It has been a month since I had commenced on my current job. I have been really happy & satisfied with it, no major complains whatsoever cos after all, it has been the most organised and most 'right' job I'd ever been in.

This is considered 'heaven' for me actually... nice boss, nice colleagues, get to leave on the dot, I still get to do design work. Although there are other sai kangs, but are all quite do-able ones so it's not an issue really.

I know, I should be updating posts more regularly now that I have more time for myself but well, I'd been accepting freelance projects, working with Rajat & another ex-RDI mate currently on 2 separate projects on weekday nights. I have also been running regularly, yay! But perhaps due to the rain these days, I'm able to take some time off to focus on these projects at the moment.

Weekends are, of course, spent with Xiang. More often than not, we'd be catching movies and jogging together as well if weather permits. We would, of course, be discussing some SERIOUS LIFE issues these days as well. I am enjoying all these simple lifestyles: day job, freelance job, Korean dramas, weekend hanging out, regular jogging. It's ok that it isn't 'happening', I'm not looking forward to go town and squeeze with the rest of the population when even the neighbourhoods are crowded enough.

Xiang & I caught New Year's Eve a couple of weeks ago and there was a line which Hilary Swank said in the movie, "New Year is about forgiving and have second chances." It strike a chord in me and that's definitely right.

Everyone is or needs to be constantly figuring out what you want. You may not have a clear idea yet but it will come as soon as you start or event attempt to take the first step forward. But first you need to let go of the past, only then you can identify the lesson/issue, accept your current situation and then focus on the things you can change. Be very specific and lose the negative forces in order to concentrate on DOING instead of NOT DOING. And the last vital ingredient : maintain it & keep the momentum alive.

Maybe you may not notice, but by following the steps mentioned in the above paragraph, you have learnt to take care of your body. Well, in the act of practising & committing to your goals, you learn to develop strategy of coping.

LIVE PASSIONATELY NOW!!! I MEAN NOW!!!

At the end of every year, I have all sorts of resolutions that I never really keep/achieve. I guess the main reason is I get disappointed easily not seeing the desired results and I give up too easily. Hence I always withdraw from everything/everyone cos I have been living a sad life for too long, worrying what others think of me. Always inferior with the social comparison and being pessimistic & depressed all the fucking time and making myself miserable and always go aiya, forget it la, cannot one, how can?

Nobody would want to fail and I understand life gets stressful with perfectionists around criticizing your each & every move. How to be the best? What else? You know the answer too! What's stopping you? What's so hard to Be Positive!

Haha ok, it is actually quite hard but you can PRETEND you are the best or pretend everyday is going to be a great day. What's so hard to believe what you can make yourself feel? I guess if you put yourself in fear of uncertainty long enough, you will be fearless somehow too lol :X I mean, what's the worst that could happen so long you are alive?

So now, my REAL resolutions - to be completed within 2012.

1. Get married.
Took a really long time to stablise but I'm I was given a second chance to work things out and I'm extremely glad we are able to proceed onto the next level after 5.5 years. 选择长久在一起，就要同心克服种种难关. Was told by Xiang he will only present ring first quart of 2012. We intend for our parents to meet formally for the first time after CNY. If it works well, should be able to proceed to ROM within the next couple of months after the formal meeting.

2. Stay at my current job.
I have never stayed more than a year in any job. I would have to try to stay past a year in this job! 1.5mths down! 10.5mths to go! :D

3. Lose weight/Drop a size.
A daily struggle for me since years ago actually. It doesn't help with my previous xiong job that require almost daily OT or the China job where my boss would always like to eat & eat good food - all accumulated inside me since then. Age of cos doesn't help too. Metabolism decrease... =\

I have been hovering at 68-69 for the longest time. Find it damn hard to even be 67. In the past I'd wish I can be 60 or even just 62 would be good. But that's my poly weight back in 10 years ago... too hard. I shall realistically set my goal to be 65 la, a figure I haven't seen since 2007-2008? I'm a UK12/14, it'll be good if I could drop to 10/12 also by end of 2012 :)

4. Blog regularly.
Something I wished I'd done at every free moment I can squeeze out with. I AM GOING TO DO IT! Cos this is one of the thing I enjoy doing and it makes me happy while doing it. Ok la, I'm 孤僻 so typing to a blog, I feel like I have a 对象 to 谈心说话 with.

5. Helping & Sharing
As a 孤僻 person, I have become a self-centred, selfish person. The last thing I want to do is to face sian ppl, having to help them do things. But, seriously you gotta face 'sian ppl' everyday, you know seeing them you will also confirm feel sian so why ruin your mood? I'd just take it as a challenge for myself 'to develop strategy for coping' lor. Practice acts of kindness and hope ppl won't take you for granted. But even if ppl did, learn to forgive lor. Sharing & caring and that itself is a selfless act :) 做好/善事，怎么会有人会骂你怪你呢？

6. Treat my Family nicer
I guess it started with my grumpy/grouchy personality, therefore I hardly interacted with my family but I'd say lately things did improve with my currently stability of my relationship & my job. These seems to be 2 main things which my family judge/based upon my 'performance'. My 'performance' hasn't been good for the longest time until recently. 感谢上天恩赐 really.

It's quite shallow to say cos I finally have the 经济能力 to buy them things/gifts/clothes and bring them out to eat, but they did react/treat me better too. But then again, they have waited long enough until I have money to do all these for them. 万事真是起头难. So I hope to keep it going. I used to wish to 光宗耀祖 but I realised so long they see I have a stable job with stable income, someone to love & someone to love me, I guess that counts as 光宗耀祖 too. :)

7. Experience Autumn
I had wanted to see Sakura this year (doesn't matter location) but I'm not sure whether that's possible to plan. However, what's certain is a confirmed Korea trip in Sept or Oct. Zach has a friend whose relatives live in Seoul. His friend travels to Seoul on a yearly basis so he jio use to go! I AM ABLE TO VISIT KOREA AGAIN!!! Free & easy this time just within Seoul! That's good enough! I wanna visit Namsam Tower this time and visit Everland or Lotter World AGAIN!!! I wanna get many many Faceshop, Nature Republic stuff!!!

8. Learn to Cook better
A lot of things are quite idiot proof, like fried egg, rice, broccoli + cauliflower + carrot, ABC soup etc. I hope to be able to 下厨 more and be able to cook a decent meal for my family, for Ah Xiang and for his family. This may very well be a test to my family to, again, judge if I can really 自己住在外面 outside, also for Xiang's family to also judge if I am good enough =\

9. Follow my Heart.
我太在意旁人的眼光，太在意别人怎么看我. It's really too tiring to please every single one. Everyone should just forget about impressing others.

BE AUTHENTIC AND BE YOURSELF! So what if I am weird or abnormal to some/most ppl? I like what I have, I like what I'm doing, I am happy with what I believe in, who are you to tell me wrong? Everybody live by their own standard, as long as I improve myself each time or anytime I do something, why should I even need to explain myself as if I'm doing something wrong?

I am embracing all imperfections of myself and of others. I don't expect others to do the same to/of me but I will try to accept things when they are less than perfect. Why? Just so I could savour the joy of simple pleasures - to feel self-sufficient :) Because that's what following your heart is all about.

10. Improve Creatively.
It's high time I should be passionate about what I like to do :) Instead of producing substandard quality work. I really want to achieve the wow-factor in my work! I must compete with myself to be the best!

11. Live Passionately. 
Starts from this very moment :)

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BRING IT ON, 2012!