I am a regular reader of Mark Mason and he recently shared an incredible piece of article that I had to share some part of the highlights/summary that he brought up. All credits goes to him and the readers that he compiles the quotes from.

It's really a long read but once you know that it applies to you, you'd just keep reading parts that resonates with you.

But marriage & commitment & responsibilities are for the long term and in order for a long-term relationship to work, you gotta take it from people who has walked the marriage path much longer and just follow or at least emulate what works for them.

Ultimately, we're all fundamentally the same when it comes to achieving & maintain peace & happiness.

Here goes:

1. BE TOGETHER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

It's pretty self-explanatory. Everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel.

From another perspective, it means: Don't be with someone for the wrong reasons and end up with a toxic relationship. You are the only person who will know what are you in for, only you yourself can decide if you'd like to make things work or simply walk out. 

2. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND ROMANCE

There are a bunch of repetitive terms being mentioned and I'll like to sum up with: Love/Romance (yes the giddiness, the emotional highs, the passionate fireworks) are not realistic and they're absolutely not practical for a long-term commitment. The fact of how a REAL relationship work is, there are going to be a lot differences between the both of you and that's totally normal. And you guys are going to get into a lot undesirable situations due to those exact differences. 

You're not always going to get lovingly crazy about your partner all the time, that doesn't happen in real life at all. The sooner you understand what comprise of 'real life partnership', the better you will manage all the undesirable parts that comes with it. 

3. THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT COMMUNICATION, BUT RESPECT

People who are together 10-15 years talk about communication as the key but people who are together for 20, 30 even 40 years talk about respect - something that if you lost respect for your partner, you're not going to get it back. (Which I most definitely agree, kind of applies to family members as well but that's for another story)

Communication, at some point, will breakdown. Conflicts are ultimately unavoidable, and feelings will always be hurt. And the only thing that can save you and your partner, that can cushion you both, is an unerring respect for one another, the fact that you hold each other in high esteem, believe in one another — often more than you each believe in yourselves — and trust that your partner is doing his/her best with what they’ve got.

You must also respect yourself. Just as your partner must also respect his/herself. Because without that self-respect, you will not feel worthy of the respect afforded by your partner. You will be unwilling to accept it and you will find ways to undermine it. You will constantly feel the need to compensate and prove yourself worthy of love, which will just backfire.

Respect for your partner and respect for yourself are intertwined. Respect yourself and your wife. Never talk badly to or about her. If you don’t respect your wife, you don’t respect yourself. You chose her – live up to that choice.

So what does respect look like?

Common examples given by many of Mark's readers:
  • NEVER talk shit about your partner or complain about them to your friends. If you have a problem with your partner, you should be having that conversation with them, not with your friends. Talking bad about them will erode your respect for them and make you feel worse about being with them, not better.
  • Respect that they have different hobbies, interests and perspectives from you. Just because you would spend your time and energy differently, doesn’t mean it’s better/worse.
  • Respect that they have an equal say in the relationship, that you are a team, and if one person on the team is not happy, then the team is not succeeding.
  • No secrets. If you’re really in this together and you respect one another, everything should be fair game. Have a crush on someone else? Discuss it. Laugh about it. Had a weird sexual fantasy that sounds ridiculous? Be open about it. Nothing should be off-limits.
Respect goes hand-in-hand with trust. And trust is the lifeblood of any relationship (romantic or otherwise). Without trust, there can be no sense of intimacy or comfort. Without trust, your partner will become a liability in your mind, something to be avoided and analyzed, not a protective homebase for your heart and your mind.

4. TALK OPENLY ABOUT EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE STUFF THAT HURTS

Talk it out. That's the only way go get over what's bothering you about your partner.

If something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it. Saying it builds trust and trust builds intimacy. It may hurt, but you still need to do it. No one else can fix your relationship for you. Nor should anyone else. Just as causing pain to your muscles allows them to grow back stronger.

The deeper the commitment, the more intertwined your lives become, and the more you will have to trust your partner to act in your interest in your absence.

5. A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP MEANS TWO HEALTHY INDIVIDUALS
“Understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is NOT the job of your spouse. I am not saying you shouldn’t do nice things for each other, or that your partner can’t make you happy sometimes. I am just saying don’t lay expectations on your partner to “make you happy.” It is not their responsibility. Figure out as individuals what makes you happy as an individual, be happy yourself, then you each bring that to the relationship.”
6. GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE
“Be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together. What do I mean? Have your own interests, your own friends, your own support network, and your own hobbies. Overlap where you can, but not being identical should give you something to talk about and expose one another to. It helps to expand your horizons as a couple, but isn’t so boring as both living the exact same life.”
7. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WILL GROW AND CHANGE IN UNEXPECTED WAYS; EMBRACE IT
“Over the course of 20 years we both have changed tremendously. We have changed faiths, political parties, numerous hair colors and styles, but we love each other and possibly even more. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. And the biggest thing that keeps us strong is not giving a fuck about what anyone else says about our relationship.”
One day many years from now, you will wake up and your spouse will be a different person, make sure you fall in love with that person too.

8. GET GOOD AT FIGHTING
“The relationship is a living, breathing thing. Much like the body and muscles, it cannot get stronger without stress and challenge. You have to fight. You have to hash things out. Obstacles make the marriage.”
9. GET GOOD AT FORGIVING
“When you end up being right about something – shut up. You can be right and be quiet at the same time. Your partner will already know you’re right and will feel loved knowing that you didn’t wield it like a bastard sword.”
“Everyone says that compromise is key, but that’s not how my husband and I see it. It’s more about seeking understanding. Compromise is bullshit, because it leaves both sides unsatisfied, losing little pieces of themselves in an effort to get along. On the other hand, refusing to compromise is just as much of a disaster, because you turn your partner into a competitor (“I win, you lose”). These are the wrong goals, because they’re outcome-based rather than process-based. When your goal is to find out where your partner is coming from – to truly understand on a deep level – you can’t help but be altered by the process. Conflict becomes much easier to navigate because you see more of the context.”
“Been happily married 40+ years. One piece of advice that comes to mind: choose your battles. Some things matter, worth getting upset about. Most do not. Argue over the little things and you’ll find yourself arguing endlessly; little things pop up all day long, it takes a toll over time. Like Chinese water torture: minor in the short term, corrosive over time. Consider: is this a little thing or a big thing? Is it worth the cost of arguing?”
10. THE LITTLE THINGS ADD UP TO BIG THINGS
“If you don’t take the time to meet for lunch, go for a walk or go out to dinner and a movie with some regularity then you basically end up with a roommate. Staying connected through life’s ups and downs is critical. Eventually your kids grow up, your obnoxious brother-in-law will join a monastery and your parents will die. When that happens, guess who’s left? You got it… Mr./Mrs. Right! You don’t want to wake up 20 years later and be staring at a stranger because life broke the bonds you formed before the shitstorm started. You and your partner need to be the eye of the hurricane.”
Summary: Put kids before marriage and make time for each other as often as you can.

11. SEX MATTERS… A LOT.

Sex not only keeps the relationship healthy, many of Mark's readers suggested that they use it to heal their relationships. That when things are a bit frigid between them or that they have some problems going on, a lot of stress, or other issues (i.e., kids), they even go so far as to schedule sexy time for themselves. They say it’s important. And it’s worth it.

A few people even said that when things start to feel stale in the relationship, they agree to have sex every day for a week. Then, as if by magic, by the next week, they feel great again.

12. BE PRACTICAL, AND CREATE RELATIONSHIP RULES
“There is no 50/50 in housecleaning, child rearing, vacation planning, dishwasher emptying, gift buying, dinner making, money making, etc. The sooner everyone accepts that, the happier everyone is. We all have things we like to do and hate to do; we all have things we are good at and not so good at. TALK to your partner about those things when it comes to dividing and conquering all the crap that has to get done in life.”
What people have in their minds about 'dividing the household/domestic work' will be different from the ACTUAL thing. What does the actual thing look like? 

Messy. Stressful. Miscommunication flying everywhere so that both of you feel as though you’re in a perpetual state of talking to a wall.

The fact is relationships are imperfect, messy affairs. And it’s for the simple reason that they’re comprised of imperfect, messy people — people who want different things at different times in different ways and oh, they forgot to tell you? Well, maybe if you had been listening, asshole.

Again, remember to talk it out who's doing what. Go ahead and have "annual reviews" or something and improve/change what you both don't like about the household or relationship. 

13. LEARN TO RIDE THE WAVES
“I have been married for 44 years (4 children, 6 grandchildren). I think the most important thing that I have learned in those years is that the love you feel for each other is constantly changing. Sometimes you feel a deep love and satisfaction, other times you want nothing to do with your spouse; sometimes you laugh together, sometimes you’re screaming at each other. It’s like a roller-coaster ride, ups and downs all the time, but as you stay together long enough the downs become less severe and the ups are more loving and contented. So even if you feel like you could never love your partner any more, that can change, if you give it a chance. I think people give up too soon. You need to be the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. When you do that it makes a world of difference.”
Relationships exist as waves, people need to learn how to ride them. Like the ocean, there are constant waves of emotion going on within a relationship, ups and downs — some waves last for hours, some last for months or even years. The key is understanding that few of those waves have anything to do with the quality of the relationship — people lose jobs, family members die, couples relocate, switch careers, make a lot of money, lose a lot of money. Your job as a committed partner is to simply ride the waves with the person you love, regardless of where they go. Because ultimately, none of these waves last. And you simply end up with each other.

And here's a quote to summarize everything above: 
“You can work through anything as long as you are not destroying yourself or each other. 
That means emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. 
Make nothing off limits to discuss. 
Never shame or mock each other for the things you do that make you happy. 
Write down why you fell in love and read it every year on your anniversary (or more often). 
Write love letters to each other often. Make each other first. 
When kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. 
You must keep that love alive and strong to feed them love. Spouse comes first. 
Each of you will continue to grow. Bring the other one with you. 
Be the one that welcomes that growth. 
Don’t think that the other one will hold the relationship together. Both of you should assume it’s up to you so that you are both working on it. 
Be passionate about cleaning house, preparing meals and taking care of your home. This is required of everyone daily, make it fun and happy and do it together. 
Do not complain about your partner to anyone. Love them for who they are. Make love even when you are not in the mood. 
Trust each other. Give each other the benefit of the doubt always. Be transparent. Have nothing to hide. Be proud of each other. 
Have a life outside of each other, but share it through conversation. Pamper and adore each other. 
Go to counselling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. 
Disagree with respect to each other’s feelings. Be open to change and accepting of differences. 
Print this and refer to it daily.”