谈恋爱的矛盾
Friday, Good Friday. Woke up at 2pm then made way to XP's place for DW practice feeling extremely sleepy.
I was supposed to meet Xiang in the evening so I packed along pretty clothes and shoes to XP's place. I was intend to dress up pretty then go to XP's place but was really tired.... So anyway, we started to sing from 3pm onwards all the way to 5pm where I start to get changed and dressed up and put on make up... All thanks to whoever invented eyeliner & mascara which made every girls' eyes bigger. XP & Pris said I was very pretty with such big dolly eyes! Haha! Make up la... Then XP helped me styled my hair also.
We continued doing some singing till 630pm and left XP's place and Pris dropped me at the main road and I waited for bus 106 to meet Xiang at PS.
Alighted at PS and met Dearie in front of PS at 715. He said, "You're really very very very pretty!" I said, "Very unlike the usual me right?" But yeah... This was probably my prettiest moment in my life? It was extremely happy to receive POSITIVE COMMENTS FROM XIANG!!! Those who follow my blog will know & understand HOW DAMN FREAKING HARD IT IS TO RECIEVE POSITIVE COMMENT from Mr Z.
Xiang was also feeling very happy and kept smiling and kept saying I was really very pretty. Went to the toilet and walked around in high heels, around PS and wonder where & what to eat so we came by this Japanese restaurant which I'd forgotten it's name but it was something similar to Sakae Sushi, in fact it was probably under the same company. We went inside and made our orders. While waiting for our orders, Dearie kept saying there were a lot of ppl looking at us. WAHAHA!!! Siao ah!! Jin eh boh! It wasn't like we are celebrities leh! Haha! 他想太多了啦.
So we kept taking pics inside the restaurant until Xiang kept getting paiseh but I boh hiew la. While waiting we just took pics of those sushi we took from the belt.
Our main course. Look at the wide spread!
Looks on our faces when we eat! BLEAH~
We ate until super full. But I was really really very happy!! It has been such a long time since I was so happy with him le! HE WAS VERY POSITIVE TODAY! That is a good news. This is the kind of moment where one want to buy 4D or Toto! Haha... I didn't know we spent $54 on the meal! But as compared to what was spent on our first date was small case la. I still remember we ate Sakae Sushi on our first date and 2 person cost $63! I was extremely stunned. What was so expensive at Sakae that will cost until $63?
We walked around PS feeling lovey dovey and it was then time to walk over to Cathay Cineplex, bought drinks and went in to watch The Reaping.
Quite an off movie to watch on a romantic date. It wasn't exactly horror nor thriller. It was more of like sci-fi? As in, things happened in the movie are things which wouldn't happen in real life cos I believe it was adapted from the bible regarding the 10 plaques which struck Egypt, was it?
It was a crappy show about Hilary Swank playing a biology science professor of a university who lost her faith in God after losing her husband & daughter. The movie didn't show how exactly did she lose her family members to God though so I was confused there. The story actually started when there was another fellow professor in the university (considered her colleague?) who has some "defy nature/biological science" problems in his hometown and would like to invite her to go take a look if there could have any scientific theory behind all.
There was bloody water, all the organic died cos the environment was below PH level or something. Fished died, toad fallen from trees.. It was said to be caused by a little girl whom everyone was afraid. There were also other plaques happening in the town, plaque of flies, locust, firstborns. I wasn't familiar with the bible so I was also confused by the whole show. It turned out that the whole town was against God and the little girl in an angel but...ehh... the whole relationship of Hilary Swank and those in the movie was weird too. Blur blur didn't understand the movie and the ending was crappy too... Cos the whole town was wiped out by some electric current of the solar system or what shit one la. Hiyo!
Movie finished and we walked from Cineplex down to Raffles City... feeling lovey dovey and Dearie snapped a side view pic of me in the lovely night.
MY NOSE IS NOT FLAT AS THIS PIC SHOWS!!! Haha... I'd always think my nose is flat and was thinking of getting a nose job if I have the money~ Hmm...
So anyway, it was a really happy night. I saw some trishaw uncles standing by and felt like sitting on the trishaw cos I'd never sat on it before although I know and Xiang mentioned that it was not worth the money cos they are usually ripping tourists off. But... the night was so romantic and suitable to take a trishaw ride around the central district woh! Hai~ As much as I want to take but if he wasn't too keen then I wouldn't feel happy taking rides too. He just looked at me, "You really wanna take ah?" I said, "No la, it's ok. Let's go home." Although he knows I want to take but if he was going to qian jiu me JUST cos I want, I'd rather go home. Does that make me hard to please?
OON OON LOVES TO TAKE RIDES!!! I like to take rides like boating, duck tour, hippo tour, cable car, love car spins, bike spins, love funfair rides... Last time only Shan will accompany to do all these, but now haiz... Shan not around with me liao... ARGGHH!! Anyone reading this love rides or not? Next time pei me leh...
So we took the train to to JE and it was time for him to catch the last trian back to Marsiling but he said he'll accompany me to Chinese Garden. We went to 7-11 and got some drinks and rested for a while after climbing the flight of stairs of the overhead bridge with my high heels. So I told him, "How come you say alight at Chinese Garden? I thought you were heading home, you didn't say you'd see me home. We could have taken bus at JE. My feet hurt from the shoe leh..."
Ya ya, I'm whining like a da xiao jie. But hai.... So after finish resting, we gotta walk a long distance home and I asked him not to walk too fast and suggested, "Piggyback me home leh." His eyes almost buldged out like as if they were going to drop out of their sockets and said, "You know yourself that you're not light leh... You try piggyback me instead la!"
怎么会这么没有用啊！
我一时生气，说气话，“来啦！”
反正我都背过他，也背得起他！
其实我已经很累了，也知道我穿高跟鞋脚已经很痛了，
我知道一定背不起他，可是他要我背他不是吗？
这是男人该说的话吗？OK lo，背啦！背不起老娘也要硬背！
我弯下来，嘴硬说，“上来啊！”
他还真的站在我背后，准备骑上我的背。
我的背因为得走高跟鞋得挺直一整天。
他一骑上去，我感觉骨头要散了。
我把他背上来的第一秒，脚根站不住，差一点要摔下来。
鞋跟要支撑我的体重可能都会觉得困挠，
更何况现在也要同时支撑他的重量。
小小的鞋跟怎么受得了？
因为我站不稳，所以站歪歪，差一点让他摔下来。
还好他及时下来，变成他拉住我。
拉住我了之后还说，“你看你都背不起我，要我怎么背你？”
在讲什么话啊？疯掉！
I like piggyback cos I love rides what! Also can have close physical contact too! ARGGHH!! So I forever cannot experience this ever liao unless I go lose weight cos he probably won't ever work out one.
We walked to a blk and I desperate had to rest cos my legs were itchy and feet were hurting. Then he suddenly said, "Sorry." Then I said, "If you can piggyback me jiu hao le ah." But he said, "Aiya, I not strong enough la." Then I pouted, "Hrmp! Then I go find someone stronger."
Then he said, "这种话你也讲得出! 不怕我生气啊?" After which he go moody all the way until we reached home... You don't want to lift me then you can take me on rides ah... You know, vroom vroom?? Arrgghhh...
Went to take extra mattress for him to rest on. We were lying in each others' arm when he suddenly gasped saying he got school on Saturday 9-5! HUH!!! Got sch still hang out so late with me. So he was wondering whether he should go or not. Given a choice, of cos is skip one but he said cannot don't go. So set alarm at 630am so that he could go home go home bath, get dressed etc.....
Saturday, yuan lai Dearie never set alarm but I was woke up by my own alarm at 11. By the time my alarm rang, Dearie was already up.
He got up immediately, wash up, got dressed and by 1130am he was preparing to leave. It was so suddenly. He didn't even want to eat something and refuse to let me see him down. He just left quietly and suddenly like that with no kiss goodbyes or anything.
I went back to sleep before waking up at 245pm then went to bath and ate beehoon for lunch and then sat in front of my laptop to do my usual surfing & blogging and I'd be starting on my 3D animation project. Sian sian sian... Slept at 3am...
Sunday, woke up, had lunch. Supposed to be working on 3D again but drifted off and do other wu eh boh eh stuffs then slept at 5pm and woke up at 730pm...
Bathed & had dinner. After dinner was supposed to be working on 3D but ended up nuah whole day. It was really hard to convince myself to work on it la... sian....
Monday, woke up at 10am+ and continued with the never ending 3D and slept back at 1130am and waking up at 12 then had lunch and then prepared to take bus to school. New school.
My school, which I'd previously mentioned, had changed its name to Raffles Education and/or Raffles University. It has shifted to another premise. Still Beach Rd but this time instead of beside Raffles Hotel, it will be beside Shaw Tower and in front would be the famous Liang Seah St with lots of good food and road without traffic lights and ppl have to risk lives crossing them.
It was still pretty much under construction with bangla workers still painting, knocking, moving stuffs. I almost got lost finding my way to the classroom, so are other students. We used to only have 6 floors of those small office buildings. But now we have got 3 three-storey buildings, Blk A, B, C. Blk A is the admin blk, the staff office, library. Blk C are students from Hartford & Path Education. Blk B belongs to Raffles Design. Then every floor is from 01-11. Say for eg, first floor would be 101-111, second floor is 201-211, third floor is 301-311.
In the new building, first floor belongs to Fashion Design, Product Design, Jewellery Design. All those workshop, machine operate courses are in the first floor with bigger rooms. Second floor I'm not too sure but third floor is Multimedia & Video/Audio studio which is what I'm doing. My classrooms are mainly 309~311.
First day of school, first class at room 309. Subject is Advanced IMD and lecturer is Christopher Wong. He's the new MM guy for our school. It used to be just Jojo & Chris. So thank god for that! First day of class mostly intro about the course, outcome of learning and he will talk about his experience and asking about our interest etc. So he's 12 years older than me. Cos he asked if I was a pig, I said yes and he said he's also a pig too! But he has got 5 years of working & teaching experience.
Adv IMD is a TMD hard class, programming & gamming stuffs. Wah lau eh. Then during break time, went to Bugis Bread Talk with Rajat and bought something to munch and I was really afraid of the cars cos I ever experienced being knocked down by the car before. And Rajat is expert in jay-walking! Haha! Then after class, gotta walk toward Bugis to take MRT home cos City Hall would be further liao. Must go through hordes of ppl everytime. Must dress mei mei to & fro school. I don't have that time & effort la.
Reached home and was on my usual routine of going online!!! AND I was extremely surprised to recieve Xiang's call via my room number. I was sooooooooooooo happy & surprised cos hardly ppl will call me by that no. unless I'm sitting at my desk and happen to see the blinking light cos I turned the ringer off. I mostly do outgoing calls with that phone so probably nobody would call me by that no. Hehe! We lovey dovey talk for a bit and chatted about Ryan getting attached. So I asked him how did Ryan got to know his girl... he said Ryan was also studying at SIM and he knew his gf in school one. SIM got so many mei mei anyway.
So I asked him, "Then meimei never get to know you ah?" He said, "I already got you liao what. It's either you or none." I couldn't remember what else we talked about but probably about something with interacting with ppl in the society. Cos he believe 人心险恶 and must be guarded. So I went on saying, "Not all ppl are as bad as you think de la. Surely not everyone you meet are bad ppl ba?" He said, "This kinda things you never know one ma... How you know whether one is good or bad leh?" So I explained about jie chu with ppl and etc... Then all of a suddenly he said, "You still got meet those guys ah?" I told him truthfully that I still see them like KTV once a week... but he went super quiet on the phone and he became super unhappy and hang up abruptly on me saying he reached home le etc..
I waited for him to be online and asked, "Dearie ignoring me le ma?" He said "No, I go shower." which I waited for him. While waiting I also typed some msg for him saying, "Just now you sounded really moody. Fast bath finish. Btw thanks for calling me up earlier on. Really really really sincerely didn't expect you to call. I was realy perked up and happy that you called."
About 10 minutes later, he replied, "Well, I regreted. Didn't expect to hear that you still wanna hang out with your new guy friends which I rem you said not to, but... nice~ Well what to do, my gf likes to know guy friends. Why? becoz she finds it easier to hang out with them. Wow! And not to mention they give her lotsa attention. Obviously I'm doing a bad job eh? Laughs~"
I told him, "No, it's not like that at all de. I don't know why you assume dthem to have bad intentions but I really assure there's nothing going on besides da jia go KTV, tok kok sing song. There are females around too! Haiz~"
He went on, "Well obviously nothing I say u will listen ba. So continue lo~ enjoy hanging out with your guy frens. U go know gal frens I don't mind. Why guys? WTF. I know not u go n known. They msg u first rite? Well whatever. I wash my hands off this shit liao. U do whatever u want."
Why am I getting all these? I told him I do not have friends already but I also didn't want to hide it from him that I have this group of juniors whom I hang out for KTV. I no longer with with HD gals nor TB gals. Milo gals will not meet up without Shan who's far away in Japan. I am already drifting away from my poly pals. I don't go KTV with DW. YOU NO LONGER KTV WITH ME... who can I go KTV with considering WM now has his final exams, his chess tournaments & his wifey?
He went on saying, "Just go ahead~ I wonder why don't I find it easier to hang out with other gals. Everytime u spoil my mood one la whenever I'm doing it right. Call u also tio burnt. Fate."
Yuan lai he regretted calling me up. I seriously have nothing to say...
He continued, "Tmr you can go enjoy with your new found friends. This Fri u can also go out with them if you want. Maybe Sun too."
The 'tmr' was Tuesday where DW would be performing. Fri was pre-arranged date to watch movie with him. Sun is family dinner cos of Ah Mian's birthday. He was once again pushing me aside, or if not to someone else... How was I able to do these stuffs with a bunch of juniors? Even if he is saying out of spite, why are my feelings not considerated again?
I haven't got the chance to say anything and he just kept on talking, "Yea, I am bullshitting myself right now cos you probably feel that your bf is over reacting and stuffs. I'm an idiot."
Haven't I said enough, explained enough that we always switched roles? No matter how much I explain there was 'nothing', clearly he believe there was 'something'. Whatever I explain would probably be fei hua so all I could say was, "Dui bu qi, wo rang ni moody le."
Spite words coming from him a gain, "Nvm, I'm over reacting, no need to sorry me."
In which I said, "You have every right to cos you care about me. But you're pushing me away like that now. How will I have the heart & courage to go approach you, to go find you, to be with you? Or you don't want me to? I really don't know how else can I convince you that I don't see them anything more than friends and they don't see me anything more than a da jiejie." It doesn't mean they're a bunch of NS guys means they're desperate.
As expected once again, his negative response, "You don't need to convince me. That's your way of life, I have mine. Yeah if Fri you wanna see me then we'll meet ba otherwise u can hang out with your frens."
I told him, "你这样说，我哪里还敢去找你?"
He actually replied, "Then you can hang out with your frens if you don't care come find me."
He shot back at me, "Anyway u mean it's ok if I go and know other girls and let other girls know me right? Of cos I'll state I'm attached le, huh? Same as what you're doing what, dio boh? Can you accept that?"
有没有搞错？这到底是什么？
其实如果必须要接触新朋友，我又怎么能阻止得了呢？
如果说当一个人谈恋爱了，从此就不和身边的人事物接触了吗？
如果说你有另外一半，是不是不能找新工作，不能报读书了，
不能学习新的东西，体验新的人生了？因为新的环境有异性？
Is my life going to be on a standstill without knowing new things or new ppl just cos I'm attached, I have a bf? So I'm not even allowed to have new social circle/life (cos old one is depleting) for leisure just cos I'm in a relationship?
I hang out with guys so that I will know guys better and understand guys' pov better and know how to please my boyfriend better. You might argue, how come I can't understand how to 'please/manage/figure boyfriends/guys' from my other female friends. I WOULD BE GLAD IF I HAVE!! But currently which female friend is available for me to talk about this?
Cast that aside, I do wish you understand girls better. I do wish you'll interact more with girls to know that my tolerance level is so much higher than them. I admit that I'm a lousy sister, lousy daughter, lazy student but I dare say I'm geunine & sincere friend and a true loving giving girlfriend and patient lover. This is my first relationship which I'm treating it as my last. And to be perfectly honest, no girl would wanna be a guy's chu lian (not that she can choose when it comes to FEE LINGS).
女人都是希望成为男人的最后一个女人。
男人的第一次，都是很蠢，很笨拙的。
他们的第一次都不懂得怎么去爱一个人，
不懂得如何打动女人的心，不懂得主动，
不动懂得如何经营自己或还有另外一半的情绪。
做男人的第一个女人，通常都是最辛苦的。
因为这是女人付出最多，而收获最少的恋爱。
I am very sure female readers who have had r/s will know where I'm coming from. Of course I am not saying that guys who have had r/s will become any better lover.
Lots of thoughts were running across my mind but in the end, I didn't have time nor did I want to say all these to him and I merely replied, "I dunno how to answer u...."
His reply was immediate & sharp, "Well, it's the exact same thing u are doing to me now what. So how u answer will be your choice and I predict most probably u'd be too busy hanging out with new friends later on, and me also. Maybe after that we don't find each other that good anymore."
I told him that I won't be hanging out with them too much, at most once or twice a week. Then he went, "Oh! That means yes & ok la? So you're ok with me knowing new gals & gals knowing me lo!" I continued to tell him I don't know, I don't really like to stop him from knowing gals cos I don't think I have the right. But he went dot dot dot and said it was friggin unfair and selfish of me to want him to be ok with guys knowing me but not really sure for his case of him knowing girls.
Once again, before I could say anything, he just sprouted off, "Whatever la! I got my ans liao! U can continue your knowing more frens, don't worry, I'm ok with it."
No matter how fury I am, I could only swallow it and asked him for the last time, "You don't want to see me anymore?"
He just replied, "I don't know. I feel stupid, very stupid now."
I told him, "No, you are not stupid. You shouldn't feel stupid."
He said, "I think I am. But it's ok. I've grown smarter liao now."
Are you sure you grown smarter? Am I in a adult relationship? Or am I in a teeny relationship?
I felt helpless with all that has happened. Does that mean he doesn't want to see me anymore? But he was still feeling moody...
我知道了。以后不会让你伤心难过了。
With that, I blocked him off from my MSN and went offline at 3am. I cried thereafter picturing all the negative stuffs and him not wanting to see me anymore... I couldn't get to sleep...
I was supposed to meet Xiang in the evening so I packed along pretty clothes and shoes to XP's place. I was intend to dress up pretty then go to XP's place but was really tired.... So anyway, we started to sing from 3pm onwards all the way to 5pm where I start to get changed and dressed up and put on make up... All thanks to whoever invented eyeliner & mascara which made every girls' eyes bigger. XP & Pris said I was very pretty with such big dolly eyes! Haha! Make up la... Then XP helped me styled my hair also.
We continued doing some singing till 630pm and left XP's place and Pris dropped me at the main road and I waited for bus 106 to meet Xiang at PS.
Alighted at PS and met Dearie in front of PS at 715. He said, "You're really very very very pretty!" I said, "Very unlike the usual me right?" But yeah... This was probably my prettiest moment in my life? It was extremely happy to receive POSITIVE COMMENTS FROM XIANG!!! Those who follow my blog will know & understand HOW DAMN FREAKING HARD IT IS TO RECIEVE POSITIVE COMMENT from Mr Z.
Xiang was also feeling very happy and kept smiling and kept saying I was really very pretty. Went to the toilet and walked around in high heels, around PS and wonder where & what to eat so we came by this Japanese restaurant which I'd forgotten it's name but it was something similar to Sakae Sushi, in fact it was probably under the same company. We went inside and made our orders. While waiting for our orders, Dearie kept saying there were a lot of ppl looking at us. WAHAHA!!! Siao ah!! Jin eh boh! It wasn't like we are celebrities leh! Haha! 他想太多了啦.
So we kept taking pics inside the restaurant until Xiang kept getting paiseh but I boh hiew la. While waiting we just took pics of those sushi we took from the belt.
Our main course. Look at the wide spread!
Looks on our faces when we eat! BLEAH~
We ate until super full. But I was really really very happy!! It has been such a long time since I was so happy with him le! HE WAS VERY POSITIVE TODAY! That is a good news. This is the kind of moment where one want to buy 4D or Toto! Haha... I didn't know we spent $54 on the meal! But as compared to what was spent on our first date was small case la. I still remember we ate Sakae Sushi on our first date and 2 person cost $63! I was extremely stunned. What was so expensive at Sakae that will cost until $63?
We walked around PS feeling lovey dovey and it was then time to walk over to Cathay Cineplex, bought drinks and went in to watch The Reaping.
Quite an off movie to watch on a romantic date. It wasn't exactly horror nor thriller. It was more of like sci-fi? As in, things happened in the movie are things which wouldn't happen in real life cos I believe it was adapted from the bible regarding the 10 plaques which struck Egypt, was it?
It was a crappy show about Hilary Swank playing a biology science professor of a university who lost her faith in God after losing her husband & daughter. The movie didn't show how exactly did she lose her family members to God though so I was confused there. The story actually started when there was another fellow professor in the university (considered her colleague?) who has some "defy nature/biological science" problems in his hometown and would like to invite her to go take a look if there could have any scientific theory behind all.
There was bloody water, all the organic died cos the environment was below PH level or something. Fished died, toad fallen from trees.. It was said to be caused by a little girl whom everyone was afraid. There were also other plaques happening in the town, plaque of flies, locust, firstborns. I wasn't familiar with the bible so I was also confused by the whole show. It turned out that the whole town was against God and the little girl in an angel but...ehh... the whole relationship of Hilary Swank and those in the movie was weird too. Blur blur didn't understand the movie and the ending was crappy too... Cos the whole town was wiped out by some electric current of the solar system or what shit one la. Hiyo!
Movie finished and we walked from Cineplex down to Raffles City... feeling lovey dovey and Dearie snapped a side view pic of me in the lovely night.
MY NOSE IS NOT FLAT AS THIS PIC SHOWS!!! Haha... I'd always think my nose is flat and was thinking of getting a nose job if I have the money~ Hmm...
So anyway, it was a really happy night. I saw some trishaw uncles standing by and felt like sitting on the trishaw cos I'd never sat on it before although I know and Xiang mentioned that it was not worth the money cos they are usually ripping tourists off. But... the night was so romantic and suitable to take a trishaw ride around the central district woh! Hai~ As much as I want to take but if he wasn't too keen then I wouldn't feel happy taking rides too. He just looked at me, "You really wanna take ah?" I said, "No la, it's ok. Let's go home." Although he knows I want to take but if he was going to qian jiu me JUST cos I want, I'd rather go home. Does that make me hard to please?
OON OON LOVES TO TAKE RIDES!!! I like to take rides like boating, duck tour, hippo tour, cable car, love car spins, bike spins, love funfair rides... Last time only Shan will accompany to do all these, but now haiz... Shan not around with me liao... ARGGHH!! Anyone reading this love rides or not? Next time pei me leh...
So we took the train to to JE and it was time for him to catch the last trian back to Marsiling but he said he'll accompany me to Chinese Garden. We went to 7-11 and got some drinks and rested for a while after climbing the flight of stairs of the overhead bridge with my high heels. So I told him, "How come you say alight at Chinese Garden? I thought you were heading home, you didn't say you'd see me home. We could have taken bus at JE. My feet hurt from the shoe leh..."
Ya ya, I'm whining like a da xiao jie. But hai.... So after finish resting, we gotta walk a long distance home and I asked him not to walk too fast and suggested, "Piggyback me home leh." His eyes almost buldged out like as if they were going to drop out of their sockets and said, "You know yourself that you're not light leh... You try piggyback me instead la!"
怎么会这么没有用啊！
我一时生气，说气话，“来啦！”
反正我都背过他，也背得起他！
其实我已经很累了，也知道我穿高跟鞋脚已经很痛了，
我知道一定背不起他，可是他要我背他不是吗？
这是男人该说的话吗？OK lo，背啦！背不起老娘也要硬背！
我弯下来，嘴硬说，“上来啊！”
他还真的站在我背后，准备骑上我的背。
我的背因为得走高跟鞋得挺直一整天。
他一骑上去，我感觉骨头要散了。
我把他背上来的第一秒，脚根站不住，差一点要摔下来。
鞋跟要支撑我的体重可能都会觉得困挠，
更何况现在也要同时支撑他的重量。
小小的鞋跟怎么受得了？
因为我站不稳，所以站歪歪，差一点让他摔下来。
还好他及时下来，变成他拉住我。
拉住我了之后还说，“你看你都背不起我，要我怎么背你？”
在讲什么话啊？疯掉！
I like piggyback cos I love rides what! Also can have close physical contact too! ARGGHH!! So I forever cannot experience this ever liao unless I go lose weight cos he probably won't ever work out one.
We walked to a blk and I desperate had to rest cos my legs were itchy and feet were hurting. Then he suddenly said, "Sorry." Then I said, "If you can piggyback me jiu hao le ah." But he said, "Aiya, I not strong enough la." Then I pouted, "Hrmp! Then I go find someone stronger."
Then he said, "这种话你也讲得出! 不怕我生气啊?" After which he go moody all the way until we reached home... You don't want to lift me then you can take me on rides ah... You know, vroom vroom?? Arrgghhh...
Went to take extra mattress for him to rest on. We were lying in each others' arm when he suddenly gasped saying he got school on Saturday 9-5! HUH!!! Got sch still hang out so late with me. So he was wondering whether he should go or not. Given a choice, of cos is skip one but he said cannot don't go. So set alarm at 630am so that he could go home go home bath, get dressed etc.....
Saturday, yuan lai Dearie never set alarm but I was woke up by my own alarm at 11. By the time my alarm rang, Dearie was already up.
He got up immediately, wash up, got dressed and by 1130am he was preparing to leave. It was so suddenly. He didn't even want to eat something and refuse to let me see him down. He just left quietly and suddenly like that with no kiss goodbyes or anything.
I went back to sleep before waking up at 245pm then went to bath and ate beehoon for lunch and then sat in front of my laptop to do my usual surfing & blogging and I'd be starting on my 3D animation project. Sian sian sian... Slept at 3am...
Sunday, woke up, had lunch. Supposed to be working on 3D again but drifted off and do other wu eh boh eh stuffs then slept at 5pm and woke up at 730pm...
Bathed & had dinner. After dinner was supposed to be working on 3D but ended up nuah whole day. It was really hard to convince myself to work on it la... sian....
Monday, woke up at 10am+ and continued with the never ending 3D and slept back at 1130am and waking up at 12 then had lunch and then prepared to take bus to school. New school.
My school, which I'd previously mentioned, had changed its name to Raffles Education and/or Raffles University. It has shifted to another premise. Still Beach Rd but this time instead of beside Raffles Hotel, it will be beside Shaw Tower and in front would be the famous Liang Seah St with lots of good food and road without traffic lights and ppl have to risk lives crossing them.
It was still pretty much under construction with bangla workers still painting, knocking, moving stuffs. I almost got lost finding my way to the classroom, so are other students. We used to only have 6 floors of those small office buildings. But now we have got 3 three-storey buildings, Blk A, B, C. Blk A is the admin blk, the staff office, library. Blk C are students from Hartford & Path Education. Blk B belongs to Raffles Design. Then every floor is from 01-11. Say for eg, first floor would be 101-111, second floor is 201-211, third floor is 301-311.
In the new building, first floor belongs to Fashion Design, Product Design, Jewellery Design. All those workshop, machine operate courses are in the first floor with bigger rooms. Second floor I'm not too sure but third floor is Multimedia & Video/Audio studio which is what I'm doing. My classrooms are mainly 309~311.
First day of school, first class at room 309. Subject is Advanced IMD and lecturer is Christopher Wong. He's the new MM guy for our school. It used to be just Jojo & Chris. So thank god for that! First day of class mostly intro about the course, outcome of learning and he will talk about his experience and asking about our interest etc. So he's 12 years older than me. Cos he asked if I was a pig, I said yes and he said he's also a pig too! But he has got 5 years of working & teaching experience.
Adv IMD is a TMD hard class, programming & gamming stuffs. Wah lau eh. Then during break time, went to Bugis Bread Talk with Rajat and bought something to munch and I was really afraid of the cars cos I ever experienced being knocked down by the car before. And Rajat is expert in jay-walking! Haha! Then after class, gotta walk toward Bugis to take MRT home cos City Hall would be further liao. Must go through hordes of ppl everytime. Must dress mei mei to & fro school. I don't have that time & effort la.
Reached home and was on my usual routine of going online!!! AND I was extremely surprised to recieve Xiang's call via my room number. I was sooooooooooooo happy & surprised cos hardly ppl will call me by that no. unless I'm sitting at my desk and happen to see the blinking light cos I turned the ringer off. I mostly do outgoing calls with that phone so probably nobody would call me by that no. Hehe! We lovey dovey talk for a bit and chatted about Ryan getting attached. So I asked him how did Ryan got to know his girl... he said Ryan was also studying at SIM and he knew his gf in school one. SIM got so many mei mei anyway.
So I asked him, "Then meimei never get to know you ah?" He said, "I already got you liao what. It's either you or none." I couldn't remember what else we talked about but probably about something with interacting with ppl in the society. Cos he believe 人心险恶 and must be guarded. So I went on saying, "Not all ppl are as bad as you think de la. Surely not everyone you meet are bad ppl ba?" He said, "This kinda things you never know one ma... How you know whether one is good or bad leh?" So I explained about jie chu with ppl and etc... Then all of a suddenly he said, "You still got meet those guys ah?" I told him truthfully that I still see them like KTV once a week... but he went super quiet on the phone and he became super unhappy and hang up abruptly on me saying he reached home le etc..
I waited for him to be online and asked, "Dearie ignoring me le ma?" He said "No, I go shower." which I waited for him. While waiting I also typed some msg for him saying, "Just now you sounded really moody. Fast bath finish. Btw thanks for calling me up earlier on. Really really really sincerely didn't expect you to call. I was realy perked up and happy that you called."
About 10 minutes later, he replied, "Well, I regreted. Didn't expect to hear that you still wanna hang out with your new guy friends which I rem you said not to, but... nice~ Well what to do, my gf likes to know guy friends. Why? becoz she finds it easier to hang out with them. Wow! And not to mention they give her lotsa attention. Obviously I'm doing a bad job eh? Laughs~"
I told him, "No, it's not like that at all de. I don't know why you assume dthem to have bad intentions but I really assure there's nothing going on besides da jia go KTV, tok kok sing song. There are females around too! Haiz~"
He went on, "Well obviously nothing I say u will listen ba. So continue lo~ enjoy hanging out with your guy frens. U go know gal frens I don't mind. Why guys? WTF. I know not u go n known. They msg u first rite? Well whatever. I wash my hands off this shit liao. U do whatever u want."
Why am I getting all these? I told him I do not have friends already but I also didn't want to hide it from him that I have this group of juniors whom I hang out for KTV. I no longer with with HD gals nor TB gals. Milo gals will not meet up without Shan who's far away in Japan. I am already drifting away from my poly pals. I don't go KTV with DW. YOU NO LONGER KTV WITH ME... who can I go KTV with considering WM now has his final exams, his chess tournaments & his wifey?
He went on saying, "Just go ahead~ I wonder why don't I find it easier to hang out with other gals. Everytime u spoil my mood one la whenever I'm doing it right. Call u also tio burnt. Fate."
Yuan lai he regretted calling me up. I seriously have nothing to say...
He continued, "Tmr you can go enjoy with your new found friends. This Fri u can also go out with them if you want. Maybe Sun too."
The 'tmr' was Tuesday where DW would be performing. Fri was pre-arranged date to watch movie with him. Sun is family dinner cos of Ah Mian's birthday. He was once again pushing me aside, or if not to someone else... How was I able to do these stuffs with a bunch of juniors? Even if he is saying out of spite, why are my feelings not considerated again?
I haven't got the chance to say anything and he just kept on talking, "Yea, I am bullshitting myself right now cos you probably feel that your bf is over reacting and stuffs. I'm an idiot."
Haven't I said enough, explained enough that we always switched roles? No matter how much I explain there was 'nothing', clearly he believe there was 'something'. Whatever I explain would probably be fei hua so all I could say was, "Dui bu qi, wo rang ni moody le."
Spite words coming from him a gain, "Nvm, I'm over reacting, no need to sorry me."
In which I said, "You have every right to cos you care about me. But you're pushing me away like that now. How will I have the heart & courage to go approach you, to go find you, to be with you? Or you don't want me to? I really don't know how else can I convince you that I don't see them anything more than friends and they don't see me anything more than a da jiejie." It doesn't mean they're a bunch of NS guys means they're desperate.
As expected once again, his negative response, "You don't need to convince me. That's your way of life, I have mine. Yeah if Fri you wanna see me then we'll meet ba otherwise u can hang out with your frens."
I told him, "你这样说，我哪里还敢去找你?"
He actually replied, "Then you can hang out with your frens if you don't care come find me."
He shot back at me, "Anyway u mean it's ok if I go and know other girls and let other girls know me right? Of cos I'll state I'm attached le, huh? Same as what you're doing what, dio boh? Can you accept that?"
有没有搞错？这到底是什么？
其实如果必须要接触新朋友，我又怎么能阻止得了呢？
如果说当一个人谈恋爱了，从此就不和身边的人事物接触了吗？
如果说你有另外一半，是不是不能找新工作，不能报读书了，
不能学习新的东西，体验新的人生了？因为新的环境有异性？
Is my life going to be on a standstill without knowing new things or new ppl just cos I'm attached, I have a bf? So I'm not even allowed to have new social circle/life (cos old one is depleting) for leisure just cos I'm in a relationship?
I hang out with guys so that I will know guys better and understand guys' pov better and know how to please my boyfriend better. You might argue, how come I can't understand how to 'please/manage/figure boyfriends/guys' from my other female friends. I WOULD BE GLAD IF I HAVE!! But currently which female friend is available for me to talk about this?
Cast that aside, I do wish you understand girls better. I do wish you'll interact more with girls to know that my tolerance level is so much higher than them. I admit that I'm a lousy sister, lousy daughter, lazy student but I dare say I'm geunine & sincere friend and a true loving giving girlfriend and patient lover. This is my first relationship which I'm treating it as my last. And to be perfectly honest, no girl would wanna be a guy's chu lian (not that she can choose when it comes to FEE LINGS).
女人都是希望成为男人的最后一个女人。
男人的第一次，都是很蠢，很笨拙的。
他们的第一次都不懂得怎么去爱一个人，
不懂得如何打动女人的心，不懂得主动，
不动懂得如何经营自己或还有另外一半的情绪。
做男人的第一个女人，通常都是最辛苦的。
因为这是女人付出最多，而收获最少的恋爱。
I am very sure female readers who have had r/s will know where I'm coming from. Of course I am not saying that guys who have had r/s will become any better lover.
Lots of thoughts were running across my mind but in the end, I didn't have time nor did I want to say all these to him and I merely replied, "I dunno how to answer u...."
His reply was immediate & sharp, "Well, it's the exact same thing u are doing to me now what. So how u answer will be your choice and I predict most probably u'd be too busy hanging out with new friends later on, and me also. Maybe after that we don't find each other that good anymore."
I told him that I won't be hanging out with them too much, at most once or twice a week. Then he went, "Oh! That means yes & ok la? So you're ok with me knowing new gals & gals knowing me lo!" I continued to tell him I don't know, I don't really like to stop him from knowing gals cos I don't think I have the right. But he went dot dot dot and said it was friggin unfair and selfish of me to want him to be ok with guys knowing me but not really sure for his case of him knowing girls.
Once again, before I could say anything, he just sprouted off, "Whatever la! I got my ans liao! U can continue your knowing more frens, don't worry, I'm ok with it."
No matter how fury I am, I could only swallow it and asked him for the last time, "You don't want to see me anymore?"
He just replied, "I don't know. I feel stupid, very stupid now."
I told him, "No, you are not stupid. You shouldn't feel stupid."
He said, "I think I am. But it's ok. I've grown smarter liao now."
Are you sure you grown smarter? Am I in a adult relationship? Or am I in a teeny relationship?
I felt helpless with all that has happened. Does that mean he doesn't want to see me anymore? But he was still feeling moody...
我知道了。以后不会让你伤心难过了。
With that, I blocked him off from my MSN and went offline at 3am. I cried thereafter picturing all the negative stuffs and him not wanting to see me anymore... I couldn't get to sleep...
3 Comments
but ya eyeliner and mascara does really make a diff!
anyway u haf always look babydoll like to me anyways cuz of ur complexion!
haha ur nose is not flat la..at least ur nose is not big like mine. i also want nose job leh! hahah
anyway i dunno wads the status for ur relationship now..probably the quarrel part is over le ba? haha since u always blog backdated entries de..
haha but like i said i can liao2 jie3 your bf's insecurities.. i was like that once too..i think people wif chu lian will always be like that. the only reason you feel mo ming qi miao is cuz you're on the other side.. if he was the one who's getting to know girls n hanging out wif them often, maybe you'll be in the same plight too.
last time my ex also liddat..my uni had a freshmen orientation camp, and then he didn't want me to go.. threaten he would beat up all the guys etc.. den i believed him cuz hes a crazy ahbeng who shuo dao zuo dao..so i juz gave in to him and didnt go..
and afterwards i regretted it cuz really very hard to make friends in uni if you nv go camp..summore i dont stay in hall (the dormitory there) so very hard to make close friends also.
and now of cuz very stupid cuz we broke up anyway. hahah
erm..its up to you la. since you think the relationship u wanna make it last, maybe you shld juz stop seeing those guys for awhile until he's ready to accept them. unless you can convince him otherwise but i think he will just be fedup no matter what you say. altho ya, like wad u said u haf no companionship other than the junior guys but i guess theres always a way to make more friends.. haha haf to make sacrifices de.
but just dont regret whatever sacrifice you have to choose to make, thats all.and make sure its worth it, too. hahah i think at the end of it, it boils down to how much he matters to you =)
the status of my r/s now is... 'hui dao guo qu' lol~ U go figure out ba. but... the whole apr & may was really.. roller coaster la. that's y i backdate so much cos fa sheng tai duo shi qing le. i can only slowly catch up. We talked a lot a lot during these times to work things out. It seriously wasn't easy, very mentally stressing plus the fact that we also got our school and I got singing to juggle.
eh your ex so hiong de ah? threaten to beat up other guys who jie jin u?? simi lai eh...