How Much Is Too Much?
As with usual, anything which involves 皇后娘娘 always makes me sian.
An Chuang 安床 (Bed Setting)
Initially after getting dates for our wedding date, for guodali, so is an chuang. An chuang date is Dec30. By right, as long as we get our new bed to arrive before Dec30, everything's good. But I think somehow Dearie's dasao probably clash in 八字 with us or something.
Ok, it's not that I have issues with Dasao. In fact, Dasao is a good person. I'd think any person who's able to tahan 皇后娘娘 is definitely a good, patient, kind person. She is an easy-going person who's smiley & just nice. Just that throughout the years, I just find that a lot of actions/decisions which involves their whole family just clash. From small things like constantly clash timing in using toilet or bathing to bigger arrangement such as family dinner, Dasao always can't make it due to whatever reason so we'd have to reschedule and sometimes Xiang & I can't make it etc.
AND SO! Despite our an chuang to be on Dec30, apparently Dasao is expecting their 2nd one. So MIL went to seek's the divine date on when the moving can be done and *drum rolls* The bed should be moved in on Nov20 and we were only informed last weekend (Nov10-11). Most furniture company would require lead time of 7 days - which means we had to confirm a bed before Nov13, which meant we had to 下订单 on that very weekend. Dasao was also informed by MIL to move that to their Bt Panjang appt to be away that day because moving/shifting shouldn't be done in front of an expectant mother.
Speaking of this, I find it weird that Xiang's bro & dasao ALREADY have their own Bt Panjang home which they have already moved in last year. But I heard they moved back to Woodlands because Dasao is currently expecting their 2nd one so it's better for her to 养胎 cos what I heard is she seldom cook and eat out. Staying in Woodlands, MIL will be able to prepare healthy food for her. Yes there is nothing wrong with all these but... how come cannot be once we have chosen our bed then we'll arrange on a date whereby perhaps we'd need Dasao to be away for a while for the moving/shifting to take place in her absence. Go walk walk at the park or something also can right? And how come must so rush to move the bed in on Nov20?? I don't understand seriously.
Xiang, being Xiang, also never question about why his mom is making this difficult request? Never once spoke up. I asked him, what if we are not able to find a bed we both like by this weekend? Then should be anyhow choose one and risk regretting our purchase? Ok let's say we really did get to choose a bed we like, but they are unable to deliver within 7 days, only can deliver 2 weeks later, which is passed the Nov20 date, then how???
I asked him how come he cannot forsee all these things meh? Then he come and say, "Then why you never say? Why you never tell her?" He then started starting saying his mom got his concern, his dasao got his concern then I have my concern... what is he to do? But it's really sian we always quarrel due to his mom's impossible/demanding/unreasonable request that seriously doesn't make sense.
If it was the previous me, I would kick up a fuss and flare up and would just say things like: Let's not get married, we're totally not suitable - Everything clash ALL THE FUCKING TIME! But... I wasn't mad - or rather I know I shouldn't be mad and could still calming think of another solution, a far cry from what I previously was.
So what I did was I had to convince him, and his mom that IT IS OK! WE DON'T HAVE TO RUSH! We will just move in AFTER Dasao have delivered, can? So we can take our time to shop for a bed. It's not like there are additional members in my own house whereby I need to move out asap. I'm also very sure my parents don't mind having me around in the house for another 6-7 mths. At first I was worrying about the distance from Woodlands to NIE but I can continue things the way it is currently for another 6-7mths, which isn't too bad.
Tea Ceremony 敬茶 Preparation
On Sunday, MIL asked me if she should order buffet to 招待 our bridesmaids & groomsmen. I told her no need cos it will still be early in the morning at 7am at her place and we will depart around 830am after tea ceremony at their place at Woodlands. ONLY THEN she took her notebook to check and "是哦，是哦". Hello, you don't know the timing?
So since we're at it, I reminded her to gather the elders (her siblings) to be ready by 7am for us to offer tea to them. Guess what she said, "Where got ppl come out so early one?" I know most of her siblings live in Malaysia and would have to specially make a trip to SG but cos most of her siblings deal with 马票 where Saturdays are crucial to them so they are unable to come any earlier unless it's late afternoon.
Uh... so, while you were the one who gave us the unearthly hours of 5am-7am - according to some godly shifu which you've consulted, now we have to shift our timing again to do it according to the time of which your siblings will be coming to SG? I really don't know man. I thought that's the 过门 timing? But yet we can't do our tea ceremony just cos your siblings can't arrive that early in the morning?
She even requested if we could do the tea ceremony for her siblings at the hotel at say about 五六点多 before the dinner start BECAUSE Xiang's bro, ZY's wedding they also did it like that. Jesus! I told her that the solemnisation is 6.30pm, the make up artist will arrive at about 4pm and do make up for all of us including my mom, her, my sisters etc to prepare by 6.30pm. If by 五六点多 they all never arrive together, how? We'll have to wait for them to arrive one by one, past our solemnisation timing? I told her it's not possible. It took her a while to say, "那就没有办法咯."
The tea ceremony at 7am at Xiang's place will just comprise of his parents, 外婆 & his father siblings. If his mom's siblings can't make it then too bad, so the time spent there will be shorter which is good la. I'm pretty sure everyone wants to get it over & done with.
Guo Da Li 过大礼
Although it's a sensitive issue to talk about my guodali but it's also something which is bothering me. I would believe that in this modern age, a lot of things can do without. I'm a practical, realistic person when it comes to money... I don't believe in buying something of no practical use and just to din deh at home.
Although Xiang agrees with me but he has a very traditional mother who'd like to, well, follow the tradition so that we will have a blessed & meaningful & smooth sailing marriage. Being a filial son, he doesn't question his mom back cos he believes where got parents want to 害自己的儿女 so if there's anything required by his mom to do, he will find it ok to do it.
Thing is, during the Meet The Parents session, my parents already said 随意. Prior to the session, I did ask my parents what they wanted but later I explained to them that Xiang & I will be financing our own wedding so there's no need to ask for so many things, therefore my parents were ok with anything. In fact, my mom also mentioned to them 礼不上，往不来. Although it isn't polite of my mom to say that but it make sense, we don't need our costs/expenses to go any higher. Of course MIL replied, "哪里可以不用的." There is a difference between 'being substantial' & 'being superstitiously redundant". I don't need sidianjin or whatever jewellery, but MIL said must. Ok fine.
So yes, during the session, it was settled as pinjin 随意, 8 banquet tables, cakes for our relatives - 3 items, simple. No need roast pig or what canned food or other shit. About 1-2 weeks after the session, MIL asked Xiang to ask me if they are able to compensate the cakes to cash, afraid that the cakes they prepared won't be the type my mom & our relatives like. So yes, my parents were of course accommodating.
Come last week, she finally gave her 皇后娘娘 decree of what are the items the bride's side have to prepare.
When I told my Mama about this, obviously she was puzzled by the 女婿红包 cos she thought it's usually the bride side asking for it? I did ask a few married friends about this, although they didn't specifically say whether they had it or not, but it seems like any kind of terms is possible between different families.
As for the cakes, MIL previously said they'll compensate us as they're not sure what kind we'll like so it's best we get ourselves, but yet now she can ask us for it? Is she not aware that my Papa is financing our "pre-Honeymoon" to NZ? For the year-end NZ trip, it was my Papa's decision to let our whole family have a "last family trip before I married off" thing cos it just so happened that I wasn't able to join my family for family trips because when I was in RDI, I didn't have the Dec off. So Papa was generous enough to sponsor Dearie & I for this little "pre-honeymoon". Mama was saying this will be counted as my parents dowry for me - by sponsoring our vacation.
So I brought these up to Dearie & MIL last week, she explained that trip is trip, the 女婿红包 to be given is blessing to the Son-in-law so that he's able to do well in his career to 升官发财. For the cake, her logic is, "Since your family will be getting the cakes from the pinjin that we'd be giving to you, asking for 10 boxes is a lot meh?"
-_____-"
Yes, I don't have a super hard, hectic life... But undesirable things which happened like that is really sian.
Although I/my family didn't require sidianjian, it was insisted by MIL to have so she brought Dearie & I to look at a few jewellery shops in CWP. As she was a member of Tian Po, obviously she wants me to take the gold from there. But I didn't really like the designs - might I just say that they look a little old fashioned, sorry. We went over to ask the others like SK, Goldheart etc but MIL is looking at 916 Gold (I'm not really sure the different properties with 999 Gold, Pure Gold, 916 Gold), only Tian Po & Poh Heng has that.
We then went to Poh Heng, I fancied a simple round neck design but MIL almost fainted when the sales assistant calculated the cost. The necklace is about $2.4k, if we include the matching bracelet, it'll be another 1k, totally up to $3.4k for just 2 gold instead of 4 gold which was fine. But later I heard Ah Xiang whispered to me that MIL's budget was $2.5k. I mean I never go and research about the market price la but if you ask me, sidianjin is indeed expensive. Aiya, see how la.
An Chuang 安床 (Bed Setting)
Initially after getting dates for our wedding date, for guodali, so is an chuang. An chuang date is Dec30. By right, as long as we get our new bed to arrive before Dec30, everything's good. But I think somehow Dearie's dasao probably clash in 八字 with us or something.
Ok, it's not that I have issues with Dasao. In fact, Dasao is a good person. I'd think any person who's able to tahan 皇后娘娘 is definitely a good, patient, kind person. She is an easy-going person who's smiley & just nice. Just that throughout the years, I just find that a lot of actions/decisions which involves their whole family just clash. From small things like constantly clash timing in using toilet or bathing to bigger arrangement such as family dinner, Dasao always can't make it due to whatever reason so we'd have to reschedule and sometimes Xiang & I can't make it etc.
AND SO! Despite our an chuang to be on Dec30, apparently Dasao is expecting their 2nd one. So MIL went to seek's the divine date on when the moving can be done and *drum rolls* The bed should be moved in on Nov20 and we were only informed last weekend (Nov10-11). Most furniture company would require lead time of 7 days - which means we had to confirm a bed before Nov13, which meant we had to 下订单 on that very weekend. Dasao was also informed by MIL to move that to their Bt Panjang appt to be away that day because moving/shifting shouldn't be done in front of an expectant mother.
Speaking of this, I find it weird that Xiang's bro & dasao ALREADY have their own Bt Panjang home which they have already moved in last year. But I heard they moved back to Woodlands because Dasao is currently expecting their 2nd one so it's better for her to 养胎 cos what I heard is she seldom cook and eat out. Staying in Woodlands, MIL will be able to prepare healthy food for her. Yes there is nothing wrong with all these but... how come cannot be once we have chosen our bed then we'll arrange on a date whereby perhaps we'd need Dasao to be away for a while for the moving/shifting to take place in her absence. Go walk walk at the park or something also can right? And how come must so rush to move the bed in on Nov20?? I don't understand seriously.
Xiang, being Xiang, also never question about why his mom is making this difficult request? Never once spoke up. I asked him, what if we are not able to find a bed we both like by this weekend? Then should be anyhow choose one and risk regretting our purchase? Ok let's say we really did get to choose a bed we like, but they are unable to deliver within 7 days, only can deliver 2 weeks later, which is passed the Nov20 date, then how???
I asked him how come he cannot forsee all these things meh? Then he come and say, "Then why you never say? Why you never tell her?" He then started starting saying his mom got his concern, his dasao got his concern then I have my concern... what is he to do? But it's really sian we always quarrel due to his mom's impossible/demanding/unreasonable request that seriously doesn't make sense.
If it was the previous me, I would kick up a fuss and flare up and would just say things like: Let's not get married, we're totally not suitable - Everything clash ALL THE FUCKING TIME! But... I wasn't mad - or rather I know I shouldn't be mad and could still calming think of another solution, a far cry from what I previously was.
So what I did was I had to convince him, and his mom that IT IS OK! WE DON'T HAVE TO RUSH! We will just move in AFTER Dasao have delivered, can? So we can take our time to shop for a bed. It's not like there are additional members in my own house whereby I need to move out asap. I'm also very sure my parents don't mind having me around in the house for another 6-7 mths. At first I was worrying about the distance from Woodlands to NIE but I can continue things the way it is currently for another 6-7mths, which isn't too bad.
Tea Ceremony 敬茶 Preparation
On Sunday, MIL asked me if she should order buffet to 招待 our bridesmaids & groomsmen. I told her no need cos it will still be early in the morning at 7am at her place and we will depart around 830am after tea ceremony at their place at Woodlands. ONLY THEN she took her notebook to check and "是哦，是哦". Hello, you don't know the timing?
So since we're at it, I reminded her to gather the elders (her siblings) to be ready by 7am for us to offer tea to them. Guess what she said, "Where got ppl come out so early one?" I know most of her siblings live in Malaysia and would have to specially make a trip to SG but cos most of her siblings deal with 马票 where Saturdays are crucial to them so they are unable to come any earlier unless it's late afternoon.
Uh... so, while you were the one who gave us the unearthly hours of 5am-7am - according to some godly shifu which you've consulted, now we have to shift our timing again to do it according to the time of which your siblings will be coming to SG? I really don't know man. I thought that's the 过门 timing? But yet we can't do our tea ceremony just cos your siblings can't arrive that early in the morning?
She even requested if we could do the tea ceremony for her siblings at the hotel at say about 五六点多 before the dinner start BECAUSE Xiang's bro, ZY's wedding they also did it like that. Jesus! I told her that the solemnisation is 6.30pm, the make up artist will arrive at about 4pm and do make up for all of us including my mom, her, my sisters etc to prepare by 6.30pm. If by 五六点多 they all never arrive together, how? We'll have to wait for them to arrive one by one, past our solemnisation timing? I told her it's not possible. It took her a while to say, "那就没有办法咯."
The tea ceremony at 7am at Xiang's place will just comprise of his parents, 外婆 & his father siblings. If his mom's siblings can't make it then too bad, so the time spent there will be shorter which is good la. I'm pretty sure everyone wants to get it over & done with.
Guo Da Li 过大礼
Although it's a sensitive issue to talk about my guodali but it's also something which is bothering me. I would believe that in this modern age, a lot of things can do without. I'm a practical, realistic person when it comes to money... I don't believe in buying something of no practical use and just to din deh at home.
Although Xiang agrees with me but he has a very traditional mother who'd like to, well, follow the tradition so that we will have a blessed & meaningful & smooth sailing marriage. Being a filial son, he doesn't question his mom back cos he believes where got parents want to 害自己的儿女 so if there's anything required by his mom to do, he will find it ok to do it.
Thing is, during the Meet The Parents session, my parents already said 随意. Prior to the session, I did ask my parents what they wanted but later I explained to them that Xiang & I will be financing our own wedding so there's no need to ask for so many things, therefore my parents were ok with anything. In fact, my mom also mentioned to them 礼不上，往不来. Although it isn't polite of my mom to say that but it make sense, we don't need our costs/expenses to go any higher. Of course MIL replied, "哪里可以不用的." There is a difference between 'being substantial' & 'being superstitiously redundant". I don't need sidianjin or whatever jewellery, but MIL said must. Ok fine.
So yes, during the session, it was settled as pinjin 随意, 8 banquet tables, cakes for our relatives - 3 items, simple. No need roast pig or what canned food or other shit. About 1-2 weeks after the session, MIL asked Xiang to ask me if they are able to compensate the cakes to cash, afraid that the cakes they prepared won't be the type my mom & our relatives like. So yes, my parents were of course accommodating.
Come last week, she finally gave her 皇后娘娘 decree of what are the items the bride's side have to prepare.
- 女婿红包 $XX0 (a fraction of the $XX88 pinjin which they'll give my parents)
- Orange soda X 2 (in place of the 2 wine which they'll bring over)
- Cakes X 10 boxes containing 10 small cakes each
When I told my Mama about this, obviously she was puzzled by the 女婿红包 cos she thought it's usually the bride side asking for it? I did ask a few married friends about this, although they didn't specifically say whether they had it or not, but it seems like any kind of terms is possible between different families.
As for the cakes, MIL previously said they'll compensate us as they're not sure what kind we'll like so it's best we get ourselves, but yet now she can ask us for it? Is she not aware that my Papa is financing our "pre-Honeymoon" to NZ? For the year-end NZ trip, it was my Papa's decision to let our whole family have a "last family trip before I married off" thing cos it just so happened that I wasn't able to join my family for family trips because when I was in RDI, I didn't have the Dec off. So Papa was generous enough to sponsor Dearie & I for this little "pre-honeymoon". Mama was saying this will be counted as my parents dowry for me - by sponsoring our vacation.
So I brought these up to Dearie & MIL last week, she explained that trip is trip, the 女婿红包 to be given is blessing to the Son-in-law so that he's able to do well in his career to 升官发财. For the cake, her logic is, "Since your family will be getting the cakes from the pinjin that we'd be giving to you, asking for 10 boxes is a lot meh?"
-_____-"
Yes, I don't have a super hard, hectic life... But undesirable things which happened like that is really sian.
Although I/my family didn't require sidianjian, it was insisted by MIL to have so she brought Dearie & I to look at a few jewellery shops in CWP. As she was a member of Tian Po, obviously she wants me to take the gold from there. But I didn't really like the designs - might I just say that they look a little old fashioned, sorry. We went over to ask the others like SK, Goldheart etc but MIL is looking at 916 Gold (I'm not really sure the different properties with 999 Gold, Pure Gold, 916 Gold), only Tian Po & Poh Heng has that.
We then went to Poh Heng, I fancied a simple round neck design but MIL almost fainted when the sales assistant calculated the cost. The necklace is about $2.4k, if we include the matching bracelet, it'll be another 1k, totally up to $3.4k for just 2 gold instead of 4 gold which was fine. But later I heard Ah Xiang whispered to me that MIL's budget was $2.5k. I mean I never go and research about the market price la but if you ask me, sidianjin is indeed expensive. Aiya, see how la.
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